What I want for my son

I attended a wedding this past weekend.  It was awesome.  I so enjoyed watching the young people celebrate love.  It seemed to me that everyone was their authentic selves this one day.  It was just fun.

We watched this young man grow up from the age of 10.  He's a fine young man with a beautiful wife now. 

Watching him with his wife warmed my heart.  He had such a look of adoration for her.  Whatever she wanted for this day, he made it his number one mission to make sure she had it. 

I want my son to find his person.  I want him to recognize her as his wife when she walks into the room.  I want him to fall in love with the beautiful woman who was made just for him.  I've prayed for this from the day he entered into this world. 

My heart aches because I want this for my son so badly. However, I now know it doesn't matter what I want.  If this is not what he wants for himself, it will not happen.  I have to mourn my wants for him to allow what he wants for himself to flourish. 

I continue to pray for him, but now I just pray for the Lord's will be done in his life. 

It's hard to accept not having any control in his life. 

I'm not the first, nor will I be the last to cross this bridge. 

 

I Showed Up

I Showed Up!

That is my passion statement.  Through this statement I promise myself that I will be present for the moment.  I will show up and do what needs to be done.

I want to show up in life.

I want to be the best wife, mother, daughter, sister, aunt I can be.

But I'm not sure I know how.  I really dislike that I second guess myself in every area of my life.  How do other people just live?  I want to be able to do that.

I want to just live.  Really live.  Take risk.  Jump out of the plane and trust the parachute will open.

Waddling Ducks

This past Sunday the preacher retold the story of the congregation of ducks who were told they could fly.  The ducks believed they could fly and in their hearts they wanted to fly.  But when it was time to depart they waddled off.

This story makes me sad because by all accounts I'm a duck waddling in life when I could be soaring.  WOW!

What are the things I need to do differently to soar?

Where is my focus?

I don't want to die and get to the other side just to see all the gifts I wasted in this life.

I'm wasting precious time.  I don't know how many more days I have ahead of me but I shouldn't continue to waste them.

God says he has a plan for me, a plan to prosper me, however I must do my part for me to get what he has for me.

Do I just make a commitment to myself to change today.  Is it just that easy.

Nothing in life is just that easy...is it?

I am a conqueror
I am a designer
I am smart
I am a thinker.
I have an opinion
I bring value to the team.
I am everything God says I am.
I am a survivor
I am fun
I know how to laugh

I already have everything I need to fly, I'm equipped with wings I just have to use them.

Commit to the change.

The struggle is real.

I struggle. I know I'm not the only one who struggles, in the Bible Paul says, "So the trouble is not with the law, for it is spiritual and good. The trouble is with me, for I am all too human, a slave to sin. I don’t really understand myself, for I want to do what is right, but I don’t do it. Instead, I do what I hate. But if I know that what I am doing is wrong." So, I say it once again, I struggle. I present like a wonderfully wrapped present. The paper is beautiful, and the bow is big and bright. As long as you don't open the gift, you will be happy with the beautiful presentation. However, what happens when you begin to unwrap the present and see what is inside. What happens when you see the brokenness, what happens when you see the despair, what happens when you see uncertainty. What happens when you see the scares of constant struggle. The struggle is real; however, so is God in my life.

I should say I struggle; however, I'm not in the fight alone.  I have a protector.  I have a comforter, and most importantly I have a mind regulator.

I continue to struggle, but I see myself surviving the struggle.

Wild Child Want to Be

I woke up this morning feeling really grateful for forgiveness. I struggle with knowing what is right and doing what is right. I'm not talking about big things, I'm talking about the daily internal struggles I have. Do I turn left when I really want to turn right. I know left is the "right" way to go, however, I really want to know what would happen if I turned right. I think I missed out on the "what if" phase in my life. As a young person I was just to chicken to try anything. Plus, I live such a sheltered life. First by a mother, and then by a husband. They all want to shelter me from hurt and harm. I guess I do the same for them. I do the same for my son too. I wonder if my sheltering keeps him from developing into the man God means him to be. I think that about myself as well. What if I didn't have the watchful eye of a parent and a husband. What wild child would I become. I guess I am grateful to have people who care about my well being, however, I would really would like to know what would happen if I  turned right just once in my life.

New Day

Wow, it's been a very long time. So much has changed and yet so much is still the same. I'm still married to my rare-commodity. He has been a constant in my life for 30+ years. That is so funny. I have been married for 30 years, only by God's grace and mercy. I don't give myself much of the credit. I would have left me a long time ago. I will use this as a new beginning in my life. Today is a new day. I have so much I need to do before the Lord calls me home. I want to document my life's journey. I've learned how to smile in the midst of struggling. I want to live an authentic life. But what does that really mean? I wonder if am I the only one who fight with the Lord. I know he wins, but I still want to let him know how I really feel about things. Why do we have to struggle? Why is there sin? What is a sin? I'm ready to figure it out.

Knowing Ones Worth

One of my favorite movies is the “Joy Luck Club”. In this movie there is a scene where the young daughter realizes her mother allowed herself to be mistreated because she did not know her worth. When we do not know our worth we then allow someone else to put their price on us. This is true in all areas of our lives (professionally and personally). All employers ask for the salary requirement during the interview process. Essentially, the employer is asking how much value you put on your skill set. Once the question has been answered the employer decides whether the price is too high, or if they are willing to make the necessary concessions to meet your salary requirement. I’ve seen where someone did not truly understand the value of his skill set and was hired at a third less than what the employer was willing to offer. He did not know his value.
This principle applies to our personal lives also. Once we truly know our value, we will not accept just anything in our lives. When you truly know your worth you will understand that “the gift of you” is worth far more than anything money can purchase or a few nice words. When you truly understand your worth you will know that having high standards will allow you to weed out those who aren’t willing to make the necessary concessions to meet your requirements. When a young woman refuses to give herself prior to marriage is a great example of knowing ones worth!

You Saved Me

I recently watched the documentary “You Saved Me”. The documentary chronicles the marriage experience for several black couples. Watching this movie forced to me wonder what did my marriage save me from. If I am honest I have to say my marriage saved me from me. I pass no judgment on the many 30+ black women who are single because I know it could have easily been me. I realize and appreciate the favor the Lord showed me when he allowed two twelve years old to meet up while riding bicycles on a dirt road. My marriage forced me to look at my brokenness which allowed me to get on the path of healing. I couldn’t be in a healthy relationship unless I was healthy myself. When you have a person who accepts you in all your ugliness it encourages you to become the absolute best person you can be. I would like to know what other’s feel their marriage saved them from.

The Rare Commodity of Compassion

My mother would force my sister and I to mow Ms. L lawn every weekend. We didn’t like having to mow our own lawn, so having to mow someone else lawn was dreadful. Not only did we have to mow her lawn my mother would send us over there with strict instructions. She would say, “You had better not take a penny from her”. We did this for years, and not once did we take payment for our sweat. After awhile, my mother stopped instructing us to go over there, but we didn’t stop mowing her lawn until we both moved out of our mother’s house.

Several years ago, RC was sick during the winter months. During this time it snowed heavily one weekend and RC couldn’t shovel the snow. I called several snow removal companies but no one could fit us into their already busy schedule. Right when I began to panic I heard a snow remover in my front yard. A very dear friend who knew our circumstance sent his two boys over to my house to shovel my snow. I thank God for giving me what I needed when I needed it, but I truly thank God for my friend. He didn’t have to send his boys over to my house, but he thought enough of RC and me to help us during a time when we really couldn’t help ourselves. When I tried to pay the boys they quickly said dad told us not to take a penny from you.” Whenever it snowed that winter the boys would show up to shovel and not once did they take payment.

I learned early in life that sometimes we should show kindness because it is the right thing to do and that we shouldn’t look for repayment. We were not the only kids on the block who knew how to mow a lawn, but we were the only kids whose mother forced us to look at another person’s situation with a giving heart. We learned the rare commodity of compassion.

Daily Ritual

Every work day at 3pm I eat a Snicker bar. I walk to the machine, I insert my seventy-five cents, I hit the code and anticipate the sound of the Snicker bar dropping. I do it without thinking. Everyone in the building knows, if I’m walking around holding a five dollar bill it is because I need change to buy my Snicker bar. One day no one had change, so a collection was taken for me so I could buy my Snicker bar. This is my daily 3pm ritual. I have a very similar PRAYER ritual. I meet the Lord at the same time every day. If we don’t meet it is not because he’s not available. My prayers always start the same…Lord please forgive me! This never changes. After I’ve confessed I make my petition known and then I anticipate his answer. On those rare occasions when I am not able to pray for myself I have a circle of friends who I ask to pray for me. I send the call out and I truly believe they petition the Lord on my behalf. Do I always get what I want when I pray…no, but do I always get an answer…yes. When I don’t get what I want I’ve learned that it was something I didn’t need or something I couldn’t handle at the specific time. Not once in my life has a prayer gone unanswered. NOT ONE. Now I just need to develop the ritual of exercising daily.

The Rare Commodity of a Good Role Model

I’ve been blessed with good role models throughout my life; women who I wanted to emulate. I remember Ms. H. She was beautiful, statuesque, and her make-up was flawless. She was my third grade teacher. I wanted to be Ms. H; she commanded respect from the class. Ms. H taught me you don’t have to yell to be heard. Then there was Ms. M. She was my Sunday school teacher. She had beautiful long black hair. Ohhhhh, this lady would make me so mad, but deep down I wanted to be like her too. She knew the Bible and could talk to me about Jesus at my level. It seemed that every time I moved to the next class in Sunday school so did Ms. M. She would call me by my name and say “young lady I expect more from you”. I’m grateful to her, because my relationship with the Lord is based on a firm foundation fostered by the lessons taught by Ms. M. Then as an adult I met SD. I looked at her marriage and I wanted the same type of marriage. I witnessed her and her husband laughing, playing and more importantly they seemed to work together for the common goal of their household. However, the best role model I’ve had is my mother. I wanted to be all of these women but today I am my mother. I see her every time I look in the mirror. I see her bags under my eyes, I see her big forehead, but most importantly see her beauty and compassion. She taught me that bad things happen to good people, but your life does not have to be defined by those bad things. My mother used to say, “I can show you better than I can tell you”. I find myself using that exact phrase on many occasions. I learned more from my mother’s actions than I did from her words. I saw her roll out of bed going to work daily. While she didn’t teach me how to be domestic she did teach me the importance of being an independent thinker. I was never allowed to follow the crowd. She taught me how to be a parent. My sister and I were her first priority. Another one of my mother’s saying is “When you learn better you do better.” I keep trying to do better. I thank the Lord for the rare commodity of good role models.

The Rare Commodity of a Virtuous Woman

Written by RC (his opinion)
The last sermon I heard about a woman of virtue reminded me of the virtuous woman I have been married to for the past 21+ years. She truly possesses the qualities of the virtuous woman mentioned in the Bible.
Virtuous is described as being good, righteous, worthy, honorable, moral, upright, and honest. Above all a woman of virtue is God fearing. When a woman has certain qualities and is of good character, people tend to recognize her as she enters the room. Those of little character shutter at her sight, for being in her presence casts a shadow on their lack of character and moral values. Instead of raising their level of expectations, they try and drag the woman of virtue down to a level where they can relate.
When will our young women stop being doormats for carnal pleasure? When will our women rise to new levels of expectations. It’s time for all black men to step up and seek out women of virtue. Maybe then all non-virtuous women in our community will be forced to live by higher standards. When our women continue to allow their character and moral values to deteriorate, they are as rottenness in his bones attributing to the decay. Have you met a virtuous woman lately? I knew a woman of virtue when I saw her as a kid some thirty-four years ago at the age of twelve. I am not saying she is perfect or better than anyone else. I am simply stating the facts and thanking GOD for putting my woman or virtue in my path. She definitely possesses all the qualities. I am glad I was paying attention as a young man in Sunday school when the teacher looked me in the eyes and described “The Rare Commodity of the Virtuous Woman”. I truly love my RC.

I am a Giver

I am the giver. I give advice. I give encouragement. I give money. If you want it and I have it I will more than likely give it to you. I’ve asked myself many times why this is the role I have adopted for myself. I ask myself what is the motivation for my so called generosity. I’m sure this is a learned behavior but how did I learn it. I’ve always been this way because I remember as a child buying enough candy at the corner store to share with my recess friends. However, just like that child would wonder what would happen if I didn’t have candy, I find myself wondering as an adult what if I wasn’t the giver.
I did an experiment…. My mother taught me when you walk into a room I should give a greeting to those already in the room. So every morning when I walked into my office I would say good morning. Some of my office mates would respond and some wouldn’t. I did this for months because it’s who I am. Then I started wondering what would happen if I just stopped. When I stopped giving my morning hello some would say good morning to me first and some would just go on about their day. No one’s life ended because I didn’t speak and more importantly my life did not end because I didn't speak.
The lesson I learned through this experiment is that I am a giver who cannot control how others behave. My motivation for giving is that it makes me feel good. I also learned that if I stopped giving there will be those people who are in my life only for what they can get and they will fall by the wayside and go on with their lives. Nevertheless, the most important lesson learned is that sometimes people will give to me if given the opportunity. That thought makes me feel good too!

A Kind Word From a Stranger

More than twenty-five years ago, while shopping I had the pleasure of encountering an angel. On the outside I was looking good, but my spirit was very low on this particular day. During my window shopping this elderly Caucasian lady walked up to me, looked me straight in the eyes and said, “You are a beautiful black woman”. She said it with so much sincerity, that I didn’t’ allow myself to question her accuracy. After saying these few words she walked away and disappeared. For the longest time, I thought this lady was an angel sent to me to save me from my negative self image. Those words forced me to start the journey to true self awareness. This is when I started to realize my “self-worth”. This is the time when I realized that the gift of “me” is far more valuable than anything I could purchase with currency.
Several weeks ago I was in the mall, and I saw the most beautiful young lady. She was well dressed and her hair was perfectly coiffed. I just had to tell her how pretty she looked. When I did, her smile brightened her already pretty face. I don’t know the impact my words had on this young lady and I don’t need to know. I just know that every time I give a kind work to another person I am saying thank you to the angel who helped shape the person I am today. I firmly believe the Lord uses strangers to help us along our journey.

The Rare Commodity of Being at Peace With Oneself.

RC just asked if I was at peace with myself. I answered his question with a resounding yes. I think he was really asking if I was OK with him and the life we have created for ourselves. I like when he checks in to see if I’m OK. He doesn’t ask this often; however, when he does I appreciate the fact that he is not taking our day to day living for granted.

As I mature I look more inward for peace. Most days I am able to look in the mirror and recognize my beauty, my grace, and my wonder. I say this because I know what it feels like not to see my own beauty. I am now able to compliment myself prior to walking out the door. It would be an added bonus if someone else recognized how good I look in my new skinny jeans, however, not getting a compliment from someone outside of myself, no longer invalidate my thoughts about me (MANN..I’m looking good in these jeans!). Most importantly, I like the person I am on the inside. I’m kind of proud of myself to be able to say that. It has been a long road of self discovery to be able to say today I am at peace with the person I see in the mirror.

The Rare Commodity of Friendship

During a past Bible Study we learned that true friends are a rare commodity. I have found that if I was honest with myself I have not always been a true friend but also those people who I thought were friends proved only to be associates. I still ask myself what does it mean to be a friend. When RC and I were first married I had the privilege of meeting SD. SD is an older woman who taught me that in marriage it is best to pick my battles wisely. I clearly remember the day I sat on her couch complaining about RC and how he had stepped on my last nerve. SD told me to shut up, stop complaining and to decide if I wanted to be married. She told me to grow up and to go home. I followed her wise counsel and I still find myself reflecting on her words. SD and I now live several hundred miles apart but whenever we talk it's just like we talked the day before. I'm grateful for the rare commodity of a true friend.

Happy Ressurrection Day

Happy Resurrection Day. This is the day we commemorate the Death, Burial and Resurrection of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. During church today the choir rendered a song with the lyrics, "The best thing I ever did was fall in love with Jesus". As I listened to that song, I reflected on the many good days I've had: the day my RC asked me to marry him, the day I actually married my RC, and the day my son was born. However, I too found myself singing with the choir saying the best thing I ever did was fall in love with Jesus. My relationship with the Lord is very personal and very real. As I write this blog, I will venture to share how the Lord has flowed his favor upon me and my Rare Commodity. Have a great day and remember to thank the Lord for his mercy, his blessings and his favor.

Rare Commodity

My husband of 21 years recently told me he was a rare commodity. He wasn't bragging on himself; he was just stating a "fact" as he sees it. My husband is the type of man that puts his home first. He loves me and he loves our son. He works hard to make sure we live in a household where love is shown daily. He puts our needs and wants before his own. His whole goal in life is making sure we are happy. Don't get me wrong, the man is not a saint. He has many faults but one of them is not taking care of home. When he announced he was a rare commodity I laughed, not because it was funny in the comical sense but because I questioned what did I do to have such a rarity. I still don't know the answer to that but I still laugh quietly to myself when I think about it.

I dedicate this blog to my RARE COMMODITY!